Daily Battle with Perfectionism

The Daily Battle with Perfectionism: Learning to Let Go

Perfectionism has been a constant companion in my life, sometimes a motivator but more often a relentless taskmaster. It’s that voice in my head that says, “You need to do more, be more, and never make a mistake.” It’s driven me to achieve, but it’s also kept me on a never-ending hamster wheel, where no matter how much I accomplish, I’m left feeling drained and unsatisfied.

I’ve worked on countless projects where the solutions are so obvious, so clear. And yet, time and again, I’ve watched those solutions go unadopted—or worse, delayed until they lose their impact. The frustration is real. I want to shake people and say, “Can’t you see? This is the answer!” But in those moments of exasperation, I realize I’m not so different. I, too, am guilty of ignoring the simplest, most perfect solution in my own life: Jesus.

Here’s where it gets personal. I’ve spent years striving for perfection, trying to control every detail, believing that if I could just get it right, everything would fall into place. But the truth is, the more I’ve tried to quench my thirst with my own efforts, the more parched and weary I’ve become. It’s like I’m stuck in this cycle—this hamster wheel—where I’m always running but never arriving.

Jesus has been my answer all along. He’s the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). Yet, how often do I stubbornly cling to my own plans, my own standards, ignoring the perfect peace He offers? It’s almost funny, in a humbling kind of way—here I am, frustrated that others can’t see the obvious solutions in front of them, when I’m doing the exact same thing in my spiritual life.

So, here’s what I’m learning: It’s okay to let go. It’s okay to step off the hamster wheel and trust that I don’t have to be perfect because Jesus already is. I don’t have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders because He’s already done that for me. And maybe, just maybe, the most important solution isn’t the one I’m trying to force on others, but the one I need to accept for myself.

Every day is a battle with perfectionism, but I’m starting to see that it’s a battle I don’t have to fight alone. The more I surrender to Jesus, the more I experience the peace and satisfaction that comes from resting in His perfection, not my own. It’s a journey, and I’m far from perfect at it (no pun intended), but I’m learning that perfectionism doesn’t have to define me.

Instead of striving for an unattainable ideal, I’m learning to embrace the grace that Jesus offers, a grace that says, “You are enough because I am enough.” And in that truth, I’m finding freedom—freedom to be imperfect, to make mistakes, and to trust that His way is always better than mine.

The Daily Battle with Perfectionism: Unpacking the Root Causes

It’s been a few weeks since I last sat down to write. Life has been full—full of the hustle and bustle of being a mom, a wife, and a professional. If I’m being honest, it’s been more about the work than anything else. But today, I want to take a step back and get a little more personal. This blog marks the beginning of a series that’s close to my heart, where I’ll dive deep into my ultimate daily battle: perfectionism. Over the next 10 to 15 posts, I’ll focus on what perfectionism is, how it manifests in my life, and the steps we can take together to heal through devotion, reflection, and action.

Whew, this one might be TMI, so don’t say you weren’t warned. Perfectionism—what a word.

Let’s start by defining it. Perfectionism is a mindset or behavior where one is excessively concerned with achieving or maintaining perfection. Simple, right? Yet, so incredibly complex.

I’ll pause here to acknowledge that I firmly believe Jesus was the only perfect person. In fact, that belief forms the core of my faith. But despite knowing that perfection is unattainable for me in this earthly form, I still find myself striving for it, fearing the consequences of falling short. It’s weird, isn’t it? Setting myself up for failure right out of the gate.

There are two types of perfectionism:

• Adaptive: This is the positive side—setting high standards for oneself while remaining flexible and resilient when faced with challenges. It can drive achievement and success without significant distress.

• Maladaptive: Here lies the problem—unrealistically high standards, excessive self-criticism, and a struggle to cope with failure or imperfection. It often leads to anxiety, depression, and burnout.

For me, perfectionism has both its good and bad sides.

The Good:

• Excelling in my field
• Producing high-quality work
• Achieving significant goals
• Maintaining a strong work ethic
• Paying attention to detail

The Bad:

• Stress
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Burnout
• Dissatisfaction
• Strained relationships
• Imposing unrealistic expectations on others

If you notice, none of the "good" aspects of perfectionism relate to my life as a mom or a wife. Want to know why? It’s because I know I’m good at my job. I know I will excel in my career. But when it comes to being a mom or a wife, I feel more vulnerable, more uncertain. So, I focus on what I know I’m good at because it feeds my need for perfection. To put it mildly, I’m comfortable with what I know I can excel in, and I shy away from what I’m not as confident in.

This makes me pose a critical question: What is the root cause of my perfectionism?

1. Need for Control in a Chaotic Environment: Growing up in a household where my mom struggled with addiction—a struggle that continues to this day—created an environment that always felt unpredictable and unsafe. As a child, I strove to be perfect, believing that if I could control my environment, I could avoid triggering negative reactions and maintain some semblance of order.

2. Seeking Approval and Validation: I internalized the belief that I needed to earn love, attention, or approval by being good enough. Perfection became my way of seeking validation.

3. Avoiding Criticism or Punishment: The fear of being criticized, judged, or punished drove my need to be perfect as a form of self-protection.

4. Internalized Feelings of Worthlessness: Experiences of rejection, neglect, and inadequacy made me want to prove my worthiness to myself and others.

5. Hyper-vigilance and Anxiety: I was constantly on alert for changes in mood or behavior, trying to anticipate and prevent anything from going wrong.

But here’s the truth: The drive for perfection as a way to control these very things is not the truth with a capital T. The Truth with a capital T comes from above.

When we look at scripture and reflect on these five root causes, it’s clear that if I had been in tune with my spiritual life at a younger age, I might have found rest in these verses:

• Do we need control in a chaotic environment? John 14:27: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

  • Reflection: Jesus offers peace that transcends chaos and all things, providing the perfect answer to the need for control. His peace calms the storms within and around us.

• Do we need to seek approval or validation from others? Romans 5:8: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

  • Reflection: Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross is the ultimate validation of our worth. We are loved and valued by God, not because of what we do, but because of who we are in Christ.

• Do we need to kill ourselves avoiding punishment or criticism? Romans 8:1: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

  • Reflection: In Jesus, we are free from the fear of condemnation. He took the punishment we deserved, so we no longer need to fear criticism or rejection from the world.

• Do we need to internalize feelings of worthlessness? Psalm 139:14: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

  • Reflection: Jesus reveals our true worth as God’s creation. In Him, we are fearfully and wonderfully made, cherished, and valued beyond measure.

• Do we need to be anxious about every little thing? 1 Peter 5:7: “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”

  • Reflection: Jesus invites us to cast our anxieties on Him, showing that He is the perfect answer to our need for security and peace. He cares for us and provides rest for our weary souls.

These verses remind us that Jesus is the ultimate perfect solution to the deep needs and wounds that may arise from life. He is the perfect answer, offering peace, love, validation, and worth in a way that nothing else can.

It’s almost funny—or maybe it’s just a profound coincidence—that my life and the world around me constantly push me to strive for perfection, leaving me empty and dissatisfied. When the truth is, the only perfect answer has always been Jesus, the one who was truly perfect all along.

He is the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Him.

Biblical Reflection

As we embark on this journey, let’s hold onto the promise found in Philippians 4:13: “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” God doesn’t expect us to overcome these battles on our own. He equips us, strengthens us, and walks with us every step of the way. With Jesus, we can face any challenge, including the battle against perfectionism.

It’s time to stop focusing on the standards of this world and start focusing on Jesus. Let’s dedicate ourselves to spreading His word and living in His truth, knowing that in Him, we are already enough. Stay tuned for the next post, where we’ll continue this journey of facing perfectionism as wives and moms, armed with grace, truth, and the knowledge that we are never alone in our struggles.